Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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