yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
honey bunches of taint.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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