pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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