I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
