In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We have so much sex to catch up on
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
