I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
