we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
