Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
