i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
