yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
