at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
