I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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