Will you blow on my dice?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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