did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize