i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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