I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
