You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
