i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize