the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
