We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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