Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
