12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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