your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize