One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
