do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
