he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
