i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
