Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
