It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize