I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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