I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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