that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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