i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
