you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
No subtext here. People are naked.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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