he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
All the doctor said was why
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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