Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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