The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
