My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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