No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
