dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
ttyl tear gas
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
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