I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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