My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
