She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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