Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize