She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
