her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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