I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
