Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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