Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
