"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
