you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
