i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
