we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
