Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
