Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
