So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
