i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
