i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
