It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
