So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
