if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
