as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize