when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
