this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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