Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I AM VODKA MAN
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
