I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
