Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
