Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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