I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
