my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize