If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
