It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
