So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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