Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
