I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
