a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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