My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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