I like to think it a success when the cops are called
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
